a cynic on the outside...

the next time cupid’s arrow hits me, i’m gonna pull it out and stab him in the eyes with it. twice. because really, it took my bruised, arrow-pierced ass way too fucking long to realize that the big c had miscalculated on that last attempt. by a long shot.

you know, i think cupid is a sadist. and not just cause he skips around shooting people. i think he delights in the fact that his job position causes people severe psychological injury, that it gives him the freedom to dip his arrow in poisonous clichés and then laugh maniacally when the poor human bastards wonder why roses and intimate-hot kisses just aren’t cutting it anymore.

so really, by stabbing him in the eyes, i would actually be doing society a favour. blinded and bleeding, the big c would stumble around and start shooting his arrow in every which way direction, hitting people randomly until a) he punctures someone in the ass area and they beat the shit out of him or b) the illogical indiscriminancy of his targets essentially liberates humankind from ludicrous preconceptions. people would start to love momentarily and polygamously and depthfully. they would start to love vigorously on EVERY day of the year. they would start to love themselves.

yet i miss, need and want c----

i miss the way he would laugh during conversations. i like a lot of things he did during our conversations... and conveniently, now every guy i talk to and he starts laughing i hear c----, help. i've never pretended that i like hockey, nor have i ever told him how much i truly admire him and that i need someone like him constantly in my life. because he makes me happy, dedicated and he makes me smile. he is soo intelligent which makes me want to hate him for it and yet it also makes me want to better myself. however, out of the approximately bullshit points on this list, i can say with resounding pride that i have participated in none of them. okay so that's like nothing. like, i emailed him this weekend and basically stated that i kinda miss him (kinda?? how about i reeaally miss him!!!) and the rest i can not seem to remember. seriously. but i hope it was nice.

but i am gonna say that quality DEFINITELY outweighs quantity on this one.

in my humble opinion, the keys to good realtionship are communication, attentiveness, and respect. i used to think love was key. i mean, even the fleeting passionate kind of love makes relationship absolutely beautifully delicious.

in any event, as long as we are here we are going to be kicked in the ass by v day once a month every year. and so now i say that my valentines day advice is this: buy a hot outfit, dress up like a spy or a character from alice in wonderland, walk up to some random on the bus and say, “peg me like a pirate baby”.

hey cupid: fuck you