sexuality and the nature of guelph

alright folks, here it is… the banqute for the RA's

brandan accidentally pretending to be a model (on your left)


revenge of the RA's


okay, so my bff yasmine, is a main campus student at guelph and also an RA. however, last night she called sounding all exhausted stating how all her students has taken their toll on her, in fact a lot of them started moving in last week and of course that was when it went downhill for her. in the sense of she can not keep up with them. it hasn't been 3 weeks already and she has witnessed a room going in flames by students who thought vandalizing would be a kick ass thing to do in sheer drunkenness. (lap top on fire, smoke everywhere.) at the time everyone was running away from the smoke, to the smoke, it was madness. also she found some dude past out in the stairwell cold turkey due to consuming way to much of everything. yes, i'm talking alcohol poisoning. the guy was like literally dead. good to know he came out fine after the paramedics had to be called in, jerk. and her neverending process of booking students for drinking in the hallways, knowing full well that you absoutely can not drink open substance (alcohol) on your floor. what? by daring yourself to become an idiot because you were informed time and time again not to drink on your floor and yet you do. instead, seek it, learn it, arm yourself with kool aid and knowledge and amazing sex and love and health until you're so full of it you don't have RA's on your ass because really it's fucking annoying but actually relatively cool because my girlfriend has the sickest job like ever; power and fucking control kids. at guelph every floor has some sort of setup where RA's patrol every floor so you are bound to get booked. stop being lame and just drink in your rooms, right? right.

well, buck up, jacko. it could be worse. you could be michael jackson. or janet jackson. or nancy grace. you could be anne coulter or bill o'reilly or trent lott, people whose souls have become so infested with rat dung that their third eye is brown. you are just an RA, be glad. see? feel better already.

now, as everyone probably knows, i am not exactly seeing anyone right now. and a bunch of people are like always trying to hook me up with someone they know. no GAH. anyway, the pictures above tells you a story about a boy in whom i like a lot. and just wanted to give it mention. also it should be noted my hubby is also an RA at guelph ;)

he is my potential boyfriend like i have this overwhelming nostalgic desire to just be around brandan all the time. holy fuck, is he not a mixture of cillian murphy and tyson ritter, like i knooowww. yummy.

bye. forever.

growth

seriously where is my dedication? yes, my dedication to the blogger world and it's readers, like, don't you love it when weeks pass without updates? i can't make excuses for my laziness ...but i can try. anywho, life has been somewhat weird for me since the last time i have been on here. things are somewhat emotional for me in the sense of i am now 21 and i feel old already and it feels like there is so much that i have not done that i should have done long time ago. i have a serious complex about my age. i never used to, and i wish i really didn't give a shit, but i can't stop being concerned with "feeling old" i realize that in the grand scheme of things, 21 is young, and actually, quite the ideal age. however, i feel like i have not done anything that has justified my age; 21 feels more powerful than i.

anywho, i started a new job it's been like one week so far and i'm already starting to despise it. i am trying to get my mind around the concept that i've already started working in toronto (the big city) living out of the suitcase (and by "suitcase," i mean my general term for smalltown + girl + london + deprivation. toronto scares me.)

so what's been up? this evening my girlfriend and i were chilling at second cup, drinking our espresso coffee at the outdoor patio and guess who we saw stroll by us? fefe dobson no.fucking.way. yes.fucking.way.bitches, she was not even a feet away from where we were sitting. also, it should be noted that she was accompanied by a friend or so it seems, anywho the only reason to why i happened to notice fefe was due to her friend only because said friend has this unique rather fascinating wardrobe it was of something feirce. punk mix with elegance and after i practically raped said friend with my eyes i decided she needed a rest and so i gave fefe a quick look-see (at the time i did not know it was fefe dobson) oh and of course she too looked gorgeous herself. what ever happened to her anyway? it was funny cause afterwards one of the employees at the second cup was saying she too saw fefe just the other day walking by her house and so she screamed from her window "fefe, i need some money." and apparently the canadian star gave her a cut-eye. i found that rather amusing. quite funny i must say.

as a sidenote, if you're looking for a place to people watch, university ave hosts many types for all to watch. the place was packed and exciting today.

also, remember the boy in whom i have openly talked about on here a few times? well guess what...? two months ago he decides to tell me on via hotmail that he no longer wants anything to do with me seeing how he started dating his best female friend, y------. (i somewhat knew it was coming; guys and girls can never be friends. end of discussion). when i had gotten said email i was like "holy shiznet what a blow?" and so i did what my morals taught me and that was to stay away and so i did. like, what he basically stated on the email was that he does not want to be put in a situation where he has to explain to his girlfriend about me and of our long talks on the phone. wtf? which obviously entailed to him not calling me anymore. he also stated that the only way we could connect would be through emails/msn only - no.fucking.way, he was putting the interweb as a sheild between us?! talk about being completely rejected. i read the email not once or twice. seeing, how i could not understand it. it made me cry. well, actually, that's a big fat lie. i didn't cry. i just couldn't understand it. so i read it again and again. i called him wishing he would pick up so i would understand why he was doing this to me. he didn't pick up knowing it was obviously me calling. i held on the phone waiting for blood to flow back to my fingers.

i'm angry at my naivity. sweet pillow talk "f-----, i think your interesting and i feel very comfortable talking to you." never would i have thought he from all people would put me in such a place, a place where i did not belong nor felt like i needed to be. totally unnecessary. "i need to find myself" he would say, "i don't want any commitments" and yet there you go fucking your best gal pal?

c----, baby, find yourself. what a silly endeavour, you're right there. you are always changing. find yourself by yourself. make your decisions, choose what you want and work for it. i was willing, and you were scared.

"my girlfriend and i decided to see other people" he writes on via msn. i was stunned. pray tell, an ironic sentence, not? i was confused and yet excited. excited that he wrote me, therefore, i wrote him back. i had missed him. i miss him. and that was what he had written me yesterday

not to sure why he is running back to me, perhaps, we all deserve a second chance, no? but i realise that my amazing friends were all here when he wasn't and when i had told them he and i are now talking they were not happy. i don't need to seek out his.

and yet without realizing ... i do.

i have a very important announcement ...

it's my fucking birthday today!

i am now 21, gawd i feel old already ;)

repentance

dear cupid,

i apologize profusely for stabbing you in the eyes.

deepest regrets, abs

a cynic on the outside...

the next time cupid’s arrow hits me, i’m gonna pull it out and stab him in the eyes with it. twice. because really, it took my bruised, arrow-pierced ass way too fucking long to realize that the big c had miscalculated on that last attempt. by a long shot.

you know, i think cupid is a sadist. and not just cause he skips around shooting people. i think he delights in the fact that his job position causes people severe psychological injury, that it gives him the freedom to dip his arrow in poisonous clichés and then laugh maniacally when the poor human bastards wonder why roses and intimate-hot kisses just aren’t cutting it anymore.

so really, by stabbing him in the eyes, i would actually be doing society a favour. blinded and bleeding, the big c would stumble around and start shooting his arrow in every which way direction, hitting people randomly until a) he punctures someone in the ass area and they beat the shit out of him or b) the illogical indiscriminancy of his targets essentially liberates humankind from ludicrous preconceptions. people would start to love momentarily and polygamously and depthfully. they would start to love vigorously on EVERY day of the year. they would start to love themselves.

yet i miss, need and want c----

i miss the way he would laugh during conversations. i like a lot of things he did during our conversations... and conveniently, now every guy i talk to and he starts laughing i hear c----, help. i've never pretended that i like hockey, nor have i ever told him how much i truly admire him and that i need someone like him constantly in my life. because he makes me happy, dedicated and he makes me smile. he is soo intelligent which makes me want to hate him for it and yet it also makes me want to better myself. however, out of the approximately bullshit points on this list, i can say with resounding pride that i have participated in none of them. okay so that's like nothing. like, i emailed him this weekend and basically stated that i kinda miss him (kinda?? how about i reeaally miss him!!!) and the rest i can not seem to remember. seriously. but i hope it was nice.

but i am gonna say that quality DEFINITELY outweighs quantity on this one.

in my humble opinion, the keys to good realtionship are communication, attentiveness, and respect. i used to think love was key. i mean, even the fleeting passionate kind of love makes relationship absolutely beautifully delicious.

in any event, as long as we are here we are going to be kicked in the ass by v day once a month every year. and so now i say that my valentines day advice is this: buy a hot outfit, dress up like a spy or a character from alice in wonderland, walk up to some random on the bus and say, “peg me like a pirate baby”.

hey cupid: fuck you

sometimes i doubt my commitment to be in a realtionship

yet i want a boyfriend

i bet you george bush is masturbating as we speak...

all over a fucking map of canada

the new 7 wonders of the world?

no. not even. it's beyond that. upon looking at such a picture i wish to see this in the world today. unity has never looked so beautiful before. i welcome her. i give you her voice to those who have been silenced, tortured, and murdered by graduates of this appalling institution in which we call the western world. a little bit about the institute... the world we live in today that provides "wars", hence programing one another that it is okay to harm each other or for civilian to kill one another, promote military and law enforcement from nations throughout the western hemisphere. which is responsible for decades of violent history to one another. resulting in trails of dead, maimed and missing civilians. yet we just sit there and do nothing but accept.

however, the picture above gives me peace. this picture advocates maintaining truth, unity, political control with human rights, religion, and discipline within one self.

i care about our world, and i have the capacity to love unconditionally and believe that an alternative, more peaceful world is possible. i feel that i am fairly informed about religion and how religion let's us all become one and seek truth, which ensues to seeing the world more clearer. but this picture is teaching me so much more about god's presence, religion-period, truth, and how the world is hiding the truth from many by programing our heads with news, wars ...

i am talking about social justice issues, i mean, everywhere i look on t.v people killing each other, but is this how we all want to live our lives? i am learning so much through religion about american/war presence, effect, domination, and killing occupation (troops) all over the world because i know about the backward effect that globalization is having on economically empty countries and what about the exploitation of innocent citizens dying in 3rd world countries? we all watch the news and we listen to many people tell stories of their own tortures, of their family members who have died in iran, and iraq, etc. and of their desperate hope for the closure of it all just as how we all want and need closure.

we need peace in the world.

the picture above are just regular people like you and me, surrounded by that many beautiful people. it is the greatest of solidarity i have ever seen. this is not the 7 wonders of the world. nope. never. it's more than that ... it is not even a question

it's the mecca of the world.

dropout nation

so, (as if it wasn't painfully obvious to read how america is failing as far as education is concerned. thus does not surprise me nonetheless, however, an entire generation is failing and that is somewhat scary) this is a pressing issue. just 20 years ago, american students were among the best in the world and now are in 24th place in math. poorer countries like poland and slovakia are ahead of them. i have come to the realization that there is no one to blame except for the americans themselves in the sense of they are so busy doing everything else that kids are falling through the cracks and no one seems to notice that.

i blame a nation that are busy producing weapons to erase the world and are exercising their right to own a gun and, with that gun, they are doing exactly what their enemies are doing ie: iraq, iran, etc, etc: killing innocents. perhaps, the gun industry needs to make a living? this upcoming march 19th 2006 will be 3 years since the invasion of iraq and i wonder how much money has been wasted on that, hence weapons. and yet here i am wondering how 'much' money and effort was added to help improve schools and education initiatives across the country. yes yes yes!! screw bush and his homophobic, sexually repressive, environmentally devastating, backward foreign policy-making, pro-life, piece of shit morality!!

next, bill and melinda gates, who are the richest couple of our time has been speaking about said topic for awhile now and putting the reality out there, they have been speaking about efforts to help notch down the statistic a bit lower. the gates has also discuss their trip to schools all over america and also admitted that they are infact shocked and terrified that their nation is failing right before their eyes. as i am too. and everyone else.

"one million american students drop out of school every year, that's one every nine seconds!" - time magazine

along with all of the things i have mentioned in previous rant posts, i thought i would point out that for those of you that are reading this i must say this really does interest me to an extent. dropout nation!!! a country who by far was not afraid to tell the world (time and time again) that they are the best thing that has ever graced this planet. and yet they are now a community that needs to reform their education system. according to the gates, the younger students of today does not have the basics of today and when entering the work force tomorrow they will not be ready, dropout nation!! through knowledge and understanding it might make a difference that we break the silent so as a nation we all will be aware. however, i believe this is all just like a war for example gates is right we all do need knowledge and understanding. it is through solidarity and mobilization that the we can liberate our students of today as individuals for tomorrow in our society from the bondage of stereotypes ie: highschool drop out, i suppose we need more programs for these students.

once again i am oscilating between laughing and wanting to cry about the americans.

there seems to be a war-ish theme here. that's right folks. see you in hell. i hope the same very issue does not happen here in canada. actually it won't because we are busy watching hockey all day. also, really, smart satire is the only thing keeping me functioning these days. just get the high school diploma because really, without it you are nothing.

once again, cultural consciousness is vibrant. and she is our muse.